One Year Ago

One year ago today my life changed forever. I remember leaving for the hospital around 5:00 PM on August 7th, not knowing if I would be admitted or sent home. Even though the contractions were getting more intense, I couldn't convince myself that this was actually happening. We had my mom snap a picture of us before we left just in case. I look so tired because I had been up for 34 hours straight at this point. I had been having contractions steadily for almost a whole day and they were too strong to sleep through. I remember thinking "this could be the last time we are in this house just the two of us...the next time we come home we could be a family."

By the time I was admitted it was 9:00 pm. Around midnight I had been up for over 40 hours and was exhausted. I got an epidural and slept through the rest of the night. The next thing I knew I was fully dilated and it was time to push. I was really concerned about Mike because he tends to get squeamish, but he was amazing and never wavered for a second. I was dying to know if it was a boy or a girl, but we told the doctor and nurses not to shout it out. We wanted Mike to see and be the one to tell me. After only a few pushes, our baby was born at 6:26 AM. It was so surreal. I could hear the cries and was searching Mike's face for him to tell me if we had a son or a daughter. Finally he said through his tears "it's a little boy!" When they placed that baby in my arms I was instantly in love. It was the most amazing moment of my life. I was crying so hard the doctor thought I was in pain. Just the opposite. After three years of trials and heartache, we finally had our baby. My heart was so full. The name Joel (after Mike's late brother) means "The Lord is willing." His middle name, Samuel was taken from the story of Hannah in the Bible. It means "asked of God."

The past year really has been a whirlwind. Everyone tells you how fast it goes, but nothing can really prepare you. Every day I look at this little boy and think "when did you get so big?" He doesn't look like a baby anymore! I absolutely love being a mom. It has truly been the best experience of my life. Though every day has its own challenges, it is so worth it. I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but I love my son even more today than I did the day he was born. One year ago today I fulfilled my greatest ambition when I became a mom. Happy birthday little man! You fill my heart with so much joy and I am incredibly honored to be your mommy.